Simple Self Care For Parent Carers: Nicole Bateman chats with Rachel Slyfield

In Episode 5 of Season 3 of Conversations with a SEND Mum, Nicole Bateman sits down with Rachel Slyfield, founder of Rachel’s 3 R’s Subscription Box, who shares her journey as a SEND mum and her passion for self-care. Rachel opens up about her experience navigating the diagnosis process with her son, Teddy, and the ways she’s learned to balance parenting, self-care, and running her business.

Key Highlights:

• Rachel’s Journey with Teddy: Rachel recounts the challenges she faced during her son’s diagnosis process, offering insight and encouragement for other parents on a similar path. Her story resonates with many, reflecting the unique emotional and logistical hurdles SEND parents encounter.
• Sustainable Self-Care as a Single Parent: As a single parent, Rachel discusses her commitment to fitting in regular self-care and how it supports her wellbeing and resilience. She shares practical strategies for creating sustainable self-care practices that don’t require extensive time or resources -something that has been central to her journey.
• Building Rachel’s 3 R’s: Inspired by her own experiences, Rachel launched Rachel’s 3 R’s Subscription Box, designed to help SEND mums find moments of escape, reflection, and rejuvenation. Rachel and Nicole talk about the subscription’s focus on wellness and how each box includes curated items and masterclasses that encourage self-care for busy mums.

Follow Nicole on www.instagram.com/conversationswithasendmum for exclusive peeks to weekly episodes. Please do send feedback and rate this podcast to help it reach those who would benefit.

Check out our Season 3 sponsor Rachel's 3 R's Subscription Box: Dedicated to helping SEND mums feel calmer and more relaxed by providing a box of products and online support for self-care. Follow on www.instagram.com/rachelsthreerssubscriptionbox and use the code NICOLE10 for 10% off your first order at https://rachel-s-three-r-s.subbly.me/

Check out our Season 1 and 2 sponsor The Super Sensory Squad who support kids in understanding the eight sensory systems and emotional regulation using their penguin squad at: www.thesupersensorysquad.com and www.instagram.com/thesupersensorysquad

Transcript

2:08

Hello, and welcome to Conversations with an SEND Mum, with me as your host, Nicole Bateman. Today, I am joined by Rachel Slyfield from Rachel's 3R's subscription box, and actually, she is our Season 3 sponsor. So, Rachel, welcome. Thank you so much. Yeah, really, really exciting. Yeah, absolutely. So to start us off, can you tell us your link to the SEND community, please? Yeah, so I'm an SEND mom. My son is five years old and he has got autism. Okay. So, Can you tell us a little bit about the kind of the journey that you have been on? So I paid for a private diagnosis hence why he was diagnosed at three. Just because the waiting lists were just ridiculously long and we were both really struggling and we, kind of didn't really know how to navigate it. At this point he paediatrician, never mind going through the diagnosis. And ultimately, I just wanted some answers. I wanted some help. I wanted some support. So, yeah, so we went through the private kind of way of doing things. And yeah, and I would absolutely 100 percent do it again in a heartbeat. It was one of the best things that I've done. Yes, you don't get immediate support once you've got a diagnosis. But it does help And I haven't encountered any issues with, you know, I know that some places don't accept a private diagnosis. We've thankfully never had that. But yeah, because I'm also a single parent as well. So it's kind of managing all of that as well as Teddy's needs. He's had some health things as well. So yeah, it's been really, really hard, but I do believe that the getting him diagnosed was really a turning point. Both in our, in my journey as a, as a parent, but also in my in my business as well. And really just prioritizing myself and my own self care needs as well as, you know, managing to look after my son. Yeah. Excellent. I think that's very important because us as mums. Or dads, parent carers, anyone often put ourselves last, like, I, I know that, the, over this last year or so my mental health has taken, taken a hit and. Because I'm trying to put all of my energy into trying to get an EHCP for my son, for example, that was the first part of the year. And I know there's many of us in that. So can you, can you tell us what, you know, when you were trying to get the EHCP for your son, What did you also do to make sure you take care of yourself? I believe in a simple, sustainable self care habits. So these are little things that I do every day. Generally take me, you know, five to 10 minute kind of tasks because I can fit those in better than you know, the big things that I don't have childcare for the financial means to do so, things like spa days and going on holiday, things like that. So I factor in a couple of five to 10 minute self care activities in the morning, so things that I quite often do is like a five minute guided meditation I might do some coloring. I'm really liking scratch art at the moment that I actually bought for my son but I've realized that I really like it so I've, I've nabbed his book. I also really like colouring as well, reading and I just, yeah, just do it in five minute intervals. And I like to think of it a toolkit, so I've got all these different ways of taking time out. And I just kind of dip in and out. So for example, if we've had my son quite often struggles with drop offs at school. And so if we've had a really tricky one, then I'll go for a walk before I kind of sit down to get some work done. Or I'll go and get myself a coffee or I'll just do something. So I generally kind of get up before my son in the morning and just do however many of those things I need to do. When he started school, no, when, when he started back in year one, just over a week ago I made sure that those first few days, because I knew they were going to be tricky, I doubled up on my self care in the mornings so that by the time I was getting him up and getting him ready for school, I was in a much better place and I was able to give him the support that he needed because I knew it was going to be really tricky for him. And that has meant that we've had much calmer mornings and I have been able to just give him so much more because my cup is filled up essentially. Yeah, amazing because it's so important, isn't it? Our own regulation and that's something that I've learned over the years because if we're not regulated, we can't then regulate a dysregulated child. you know, if we're, if we're both dysregulated, then we trigger each other and, and it can all be not a great start to the morning for sure. So so yeah, it's key, isn't it? Yeah, I also make sure that my son sees me taking time out because I want to normalize it in a way. So I want him to see that mommy is sitting, for example, and having a hot cup of tea and he is doing something else. Yeah. And that, that is time for me. And it will be time for him afterwards, but I just need a rest. I just need to put my feet up for 10 minutes and then we will go and do something else. But I do think that is so, so important for the next generation as well, because we want them to just this, to just be an automatic thing. Definitely. Yeah. That modeling of that is, yeah, it's key. Because they do, they do copy us, don't they? And if we can set them up young, With doing those things to regulate, then they're set up for life, aren't they? 100%. And it would just be something that's not even a second thought. It's like, yeah, of course I need to take time out for me before I look after somebody else, which is really how, I don't like the word should, but it's how it should be. Absolutely. So what's, you know, what's some of the, you know, some challenges and some wins throughout this kind of last few years that you would share? So, we had a big challenge with getting Teddy's EHCP. So unfortunately, we hadn't even applied for it before we went to school. But I was reassured that, like, everything was still run and they still put things in place, even if they hadn't got the EHCP, which they did do some things, but obviously there are limitations. And our EHCP I think it took in total about four, just over 40 weeks. So when we got to 20 weeks, then I was emailing the council every week. And then I ended up escalating it to a formal complaint. I remember them, I'd sent so many emails, and I'd even got my local MP involved at this point because my son was really struggling at school. He needed the support of a one to one. He needed all these things that he wasn't able to access. I was sending him into school in floods of tears. He started having school refusal and refusing to go anywhere. And it was just horrendous. And I remember I got this email from the council and they were just really fobbing me off saying, we understand it's a delay, but there's this and there's that. And I just read it and burst into tears. And I was at my mom's house at the time and I shared my mom and she said, You're escalating this now, aren't you? So and then there's no phone number, that was what they told me. So I had to leave the details of my complaint with another department. So I spoke to this woman and we went through that and then it was the next day I got an email to say I'll get a reply within 10 working days. I got a reply two days later to say that my complaint had been upheld. And they apologize, and his should be issued soon. And then lo and behold, about two days later, I got his EHCP. Now, would I have got that that soon after? I don't think I would. It took Such an incredible amount out of me because in amongst all of this, you're still doing your day to day parenting. I'm still running my business. I'm still, meeting my own needs and running a house and doing all the other things. And I remember when I got his EHCP, the draft through. in an email. Again, I burst downstairs because it was like such a relief after, you know, the best part of a school year, fighting and fighting for this document to finally have it and just know that it was all worth it because we're going to get the support and all these things are going to be put in place. It was just such a relief. And I went through the next week, couple of weeks, just absolutely exhausted. It was like trying to describe, it was like a release because I'd just been like on guard all the time, waiting for this email, waiting for this email. I got it and it was like, it was just permission for me to just be like, I can stand down now, which for me was, I was exhausted and I just slept so much. And even though, you know, I'm really good at taking time out and I was taking time out for myself, it was a lot to do all of that as well. Yeah. And yeah, so that kind of came to fruition. Then it took the council. about four weeks to kind of do the final one and issue the funding and do all, all of that. And then unfortunately, then at this point, it wasn't long until the end of the school year. So then we kind of went into our first six weeks holidays, which was challenging Teddy, my son, is very, very big on routine. And it was hard for both of us. I'm also, I love a good routine. And yeah, it was quite challenging because we, you know, been drumming into the whole year about going to school and you're going to do this and then you're going to do this. And now it's like, well, we're off for seven weeks. But since he started back this year, things have just improved so much. So, the difference of having a dedicated one to one with him all day has been massive. Like, I know that we were chatting before we started recording and I was saying that today my son went into, so he goes into the hall in the morning to do the sensory circuit and he was dancing, he was doing some stretches, he got a big smile on his face and it was just so lovely and I think that's something that I definitely don't take for granted because usually more than not there's tears, there's screaming, there's school refusal so when we have such a lovely drop off like that. It just fills me with so much joy. And I just think, you know, it was all worth it to do all these different things. Yeah, it's such a win. Yeah, absolutely. It was worth it. Yeah. And you had that, that morning win. And I think it's important for us to take those wins and be like, yes, celebrate them. That, today went in, went in really. really regulated after getting that sensory input and, and then smiling. So that's good. Yeah, absolutely. So tell us more then about, so you're sponsoring obviously this season. Tell us a little bit more about Rachel's 3Rs, your business. Okay, so Rachel's 3Rs stands for Relaxation, Respite and Remedy. So a little bit of a backstory. So it came about because again, it was around the time that my son was getting diagnosed and I was really struggling to find Simple, sustainable self care activities that I could do from home every single day and fit them into the nooks and crannies of my life, essentially. And I really struggled. Because a lot of the self care activities were things like, people would talk about spa days, holidays, meals out. Now, I didn't have the childcare for that, nevermind it. Financial needs to do so on a regular basis and I remember looking at those things just thinking That's just not achievable for me. So i've got to find something else so I researched it and I looked into lots of different things And I found loads of different ways of taking time out. I made this them so I could slot them in. So I made them kind of five minute activities. I still do that now. Depending on how much time that I've got, because I realized that it's not about making more time or. really how much time you spend on that activity, it's once you choose to do it, and it's what you're doing with that time. So that was kind of a real big shift for me. And then I, so I got my skincare business at the time I was, and still am with Temple Spa. And I thought, I remember thinking, wouldn't it be amazing if there was something that was delivered to you on a monthly basis? That was themed, that had got loads of different ways of taking time out. So you didn't really have to think about it, it was just brought to you. And you'd also got masterclasses showing you how to do it, and you've got guided meditations. You've got all these other things. And I just thought, that would be incredible. So I had a look, and I couldn't find anything. So in short, I created it basically. So my subscription box is quite different to the traditional subscription box model. So I buy everything from small businesses. Even down to like the tissue paper and the stickers. So I collaborate with four other small businesses every single month. And then once a quarter, I introduce an additional small business into the membership. As well as the products that they get in the boxes, they also get access to a library of masterclasses. So we, every single month we have a Got Health workshop because there is a massive link between Got Health and self care that a lot of people don't think about. They have a musical masterclass which is designed to kind of get you up and get you moving and changing your state of mind. You get a reading for mental health masterclass. You get a guided meditation. And you get a choice of one of four online pamper sessions with me, which is where we use your TempleSmart skincare product. So it's a real collaborative enterprise. I am just the face of it, but there is a lot that goes on in the background. And yeah, I absolutely love it. It will be two years next March. So I think that means we're about 18 months in. And yeah, and I just, and we've got the, you've got access to the private Facebook group as well, which alongside the masterclasses, you've then got this safe space where you can connect with other SEM mums and carers. all the subscribers and you can start to forge friendships going forward. I want it to be a place of support and connection and to just really start to step into this because self care isn't a one size fits all, it's not a one and done, it's, it's a thing that we have to practice every single day. And what I hope is that as you are building up your bank of tools to help you, On a day to day basis alongside the products then, you know, it's going to be a lot easier for you to do. So you're going to start to see the benefits pretty much straight away. In not just your life, but in parenting as well. So yeah, and I just, I absolutely love it. I could talk about it. Yeah, it sounds, it sounds really great and I'm looking forward to getting a box myself as well. So I will share, more about that on Instagram on conversations with a send mom Instagram. So if you're not following that, follow that and where, where's the best place to connect with you, Rachel, if they want to find out more. So I've got a Facebook group, which is called Escaping Unwin with Rachel's three Rs. And then I'm on Instagram and Facebook at Rachel's three Rs subscription. Excellent. Thank you so much for sharing about your journey as a said mom, and then also about how then that brought about Rachel's three R to then help other moms parent carers with their self-care. So thank you so much. It's been lovely to chat to you. So remember each Wednesday there's a new episode, so I will see you next week with another guest. Have a lovely week.