S4: E2: ADHD and Chronic Health Conditions: Nicole Bateman chats with Andy Horry

In this week’s episode, Nicole Bateman is joined by Andy Horry, who was diagnosed with ADHD later in life. Together, they explore what it’s like to look back on your childhood through the lens of a diagnosis and what changes when you finally have the words to describe your experience.

Andy shares:

•  What school was like growing up with undiagnosed ADHD
•  The relief and reflection that came with finally understanding his brain
•  How he regulates his nervous system now and what actually helps
•  How ADHD interacts with his other chronic health conditions

This is a conversation about identity, wellbeing, and the power of understanding yourself. Andy speaks openly about the emotional journey of self-discovery, the frustration of being misunderstood for so long, and the simple strategies that help him show up as his best self.

If you’ve ever wondered about adult diagnosis, or how to support someone with ADHD and additional health needs, this episode will leave you feeling more informed and more connected.

Follow Nicole on www.instagram.com/conversationswithasendmum for exclusive peeks to weekly episodes. Please do send feedback and rate this podcast to help it reach those who would benefit.

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Check out our Season 1 and 2 sponsor The Super Sensory Squad who support kids in understanding the eight sensory systems and emotional regulation using their penguin squad at: www.thesupersensorysquad.com and www.instagram.com/thesupersensorysquad

Transcript

2:10

Hello and welcome to Conversations with Ascend Mum. With me, Nicole Bateman as your host. And today I am joined by Andy Horry from Tourmaline Films. It's lovely to have you here, Andy. Oh yeah. Nice to be here. Yeah, it's gonna be interesting. Great. So just first of all, question that I like to ask all of my guests, can you explain to me your connection to the Neurot community please? Yes. Last year I was diagnosed with A DHD before getting diagnosed and everything I'd, I, you know, sort of suspected I had it. So I was doing a lot of research after I was getting like, did the assessment, like applied for assessment and all this sort of thing. And then was doing a lot of research. So I had a lot of discovery into all the different traits and stuff that come with A DHD and autism and everything as well. And they just identify with a, with a lot of it. The more I learned, the more I just felt like, yeah, I think I've got this. And then and then eventually got the confirmation. Yeah, last year. Okay. So, so you're late diagnosed, fellow late diagnosed like myself. So how was your kind of schooling experience right back at the start? Yeah, so I had a lot of concentration problems and things in school and I often get teachers like comments on my work saying like, not enough work done in the time. How I felt different to other, you know, kids in the class and stuff like that. I think because of that, I think it affected the performance of my work, which I think if I'd not had those challenges, I would've done better with as well overall in the grades I got on things and obviously the output, but there's just so many different things going on. When you have a DHD there's different, your tension's going in lots of different directions and I've heard a, like a few people talk about how it's not a deficit in detention necessarily. It's more regulating the attention that you've got. You've got so much different attention going everywhere. And you can get overwhelmed with all this different tension and feel. Yeah. You just feel overwhelmed and you don't feel regulated. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I definitely resonate with that regulation piece because it's, yeah, it's a lot. I mean also the things like that with in a classroom setting, there's so many things sensory wise that are happening, isn't there? All the background noise, someone dropping a pen, someone clicking pens for sure. All of those things. How did you kind of deal with some of the sensory elements? I think, I think I was, I would go inward and, and I'd be thinking in my own mind, I, I had, I had a lot of I had a very big imagination and stuff, which I can still, you know, use. You know, I work today and stuff. Being creative, it's something I've always enjoyed doing. Creative things. So like, I think I just coped by going in my own mind really. I look back on it and yeah, just daydreamer. So that then did that lead to you being told off for daydreaming in the school? I don't really know. I think I, like, I got all the time. I mean, like I say, there was comments and things, but I was, I was quite good at just blending in. Acting and just like acting, being quiet and always known for the quiet, being too quiet should sock up more. Should you know. Yeah. Should, you know, it's not enough time, not enough work, done the time and should talk more. And if, if he could think, if he'd just come out of himself a little bit, he'd do really well. So I think those kind of comments, those comments are fair enough. And then you, as you grew older and kind of going into the workspace, tell us, tell us a little bit about that. Yeah, so I remember like being in, at the, at the age of just even like finishing high school, I felt like. I don't think I'm ready for going to work, you know, like I just felt like really intimidated by it and just overwhelmed. And then I decided to do university'cause I thought maybe I could do uni'cause then it would be putting off having to do work. That was one reason. But then I also, like when I was in my sixth form, all a lot of my teachers and like mentors or whatever that they had like career. You should do, you should go to university sort of thing. Was kind of pushing on us a bit. And then now at first I was thinking maybe, I don't know, I'm not sure if there's something I can do that I wanna do then yeah, maybe. And then somebody I knew had done a course in like a media course, but that was just in college, so that was like the same, they were like a year behind me, but they were in college and I was six form, so I thought, oh, maybe I could do what they do in media. Yeah. So like, so then I did a creative media course basically. And then after that, that's what me to do freelance work. Okay. So, yeah, I was overwhelmed with the idea of work and stuff, and then I actually did obviously, you know, start doing work and everything, but then it were like, I wanted to do it on my own terms because I felt, I think I, when I look back on it, I think it was'cause I didn't feel in control of, of my life. Yeah. Enough to give control away to other someone else. That's like an external employer kind of thing. Yeah. I felt like I needed some control to be able to feel. Less overwhelmed and just more, you know, stabilized and I guess like regulated. Yeah, I think that's so important, that control piece of like, and it's not like the controlling person, et cetera, it's feeling control, like you said, so that you didn't feel dysregulated so that you, you were feeling safe, secure your nervous system. It's regulated and, and that's definitely something I often share with like activity providers that I train and everything like that, is that some kid, it's really important to have that predictability to feel in control of a situation so that there's less anxiety and their nervous system is more regulated. So I think it's, it's really important to anyone listening to think about. Think about that and how certain things they may be seeing from children or their children, et cetera, then there may be, there's definitely a reason. And that, that there, you shared your experience there in schooling and, and kind of in, before you got into the kind of, or going into the, the media or things like that to creation course. What, what kind of things do you think would be helpful, would've been helpful for you at that time? One of the things I also rem always think of in terms of what would've helped me is more support in university where, because I didn't realize I needed this part as much as I did, if I'd had known, obviously if I had got diagnosed, then obviously I would've known then, and then I would've, all more options would've been open to me. But it was, it was just the standard options that you get. Like you can like email your, your tutor and stuff. To get help and stuff, which I would use sometimes, but then oftentimes I wouldn't use it'cause I'd feel like, oh, I'm just gonna, they've already got loads of people to help and I've only, and then like, I'd always have lots of things that I needed help with really. So I felt like even just one, if only if I just submit one, I feel like it's only gonna be one part of a bigger issue. Yeah. So I think I just ended up not doing it that often because of that. But I think if more options for support in that way where. People like I think just sitting with somebody I know is now I look back and realize that's a helpful thing for people with a DH ADHD is to be able to have someone sit with you and just say, and just know that you're doing that thing. Yeah. And say you. You, you say, all right, I'm gonna do this thing. I need you to sit with me. So I'd actually do it. Yeah. Yeah. Body doubling, isn't it? Yeah. Like, yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. That is, that's so true. And at universities they could definitely, I'm sure there's many people, like I was always at uni, I, I had really, I. Good structure at home as a child and I'm not, I've got inattentive, a DH, adhd, I dunno what type. Yeah, mine's inattentive. Yeah. But I've got a bit, well I'm kind of combination but my more on the inattentive side more. Yeah, same. Yeah. And so I was not showcasing like at school, the kind of typical kind of high, what everyone thought of as A DHD, the naughty boy, et cetera. I wasn't fitting into that mold. Neither are you, are you with that? Outward, but that inner hyperactivity and also the brain just never switching off was definitely there. But it's, it's interesting because at home I had a good amount of structure. I did a lot of activities and so I got all of that there. And then when I went to university structure when, and I had freedom the to do and try and make my own routine, and then I did courses and then. You know, sometimes they were lectures, sometimes they were less and leaving, leaving essays to the last minute, like literally through that night before the morning thing, was definitely would've been helped if there was a like body doubling kind of service to be like right the week before or something. Okay, less will write down and let's, let's do a bit of our essay, or let's do this and let's do a bit of their essay. I definitely think that would've been helpful for me as well. Yeah, I think it is also, I know some of the challenges were still being, if I, if I was with people that I was friends with that I wanted to talk to, and conversation started. It's like that distraction side is an, is an element that's a, a bit of a, an issue, which I remember happened in my art class when I, when I, it was on the final year of, of doing art in, in six form. And I'd just be chatting with my friends and I'd just be getting barely out, done any, any work done and. At the end of the, the like year and stuff, they'd finished like a little bit earlier than me, and then I, and then it was like, once you finished, you don't have to go to the class anymore sort of thing. So then I, so then I was like, I think there was the only kid kiddo, like a few, like might have been a few other kids that would, that were back finishing up off projects that they wanted to, like affect and stuff, that kind of thing. But for me, I was just like finishing just the basics. Yeah. She said that you've done more in this lesson today, which when it was on my own, that you've done in like two, like a month or something, or a few months or something. Oh, wow. Because of, because of the distraction that I had. And I look back on that, like recently after being diagnosed, you know, you look back on certain things. So then I looked back on that recent, now I'm thinking, yeah, that's, that makes sense sense now. Yeah, absolutely. And that's when you got the diagnosis, what, what was going through your head? It was an interesting one because when I actually got it, I'd, I'd processed quite a lot. It'd been like a year. I only had to wait a year, which isn't that long in the, in compared to a lot of people that have to wait after, wait in a year. It did feel like a long time. And then so I'd, I'd done a lot of research and I, I'd sort of processed a lot of things and I'd thought back at different things and when it was confirmed, it was like, oh good, I'm glad it's confirmed. So I did feel like a bit of a relief, but then I didn't feel this massive. Feeling of relief or massive feeling of like Wow. Or any or, or realization or anything. It was more just like, oh yeah, I thought so. Yeah. And it were like, it wasn't this a massive, massive thing, but it was like, yeah, that's what it kind of felt like at that point. Yeah. It was already done. A lot of discovery and stuff. Yeah. It just confirmed what you thought you knew anyway, through that research. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I, I kind of was like. I dunno. I, because I didn't showcase in the way that many traditional people think of A DHD. Then when I got it, I was like, I'm not making it up. That's, that was my initial thing of. I knew I wasn't making up because I, again, I had done some load of research. I'd hyperfocused on his, with my son when he, he was diagnosed and epilepsy, I hyperfocused on epilepsy. You can talk to me, tell you anything about epilepsy. And then we realized he's autistic. And so then I know a lot about that. And then when I was kind of thinking of, and looking at A DHD and looking at the different types of A DHD, I was like, oh, okay. And they hyperfocused on that and I was like. Yeah, that's, it sounds like me. Maybe it's not just because I'm lazy and unorganized and a warrior and all of those things. It kind of was like, yeah, I'm not making it up. Like there's a reason for, for, for these things that I find trickier. It's like you watch videos and read things and you think in, it's like, do you know me already? Yeah. There's really, I, I love listening to A DHD chatter by Alex Partridge and one of, one of the random things I'm like, he always mentions people, I really don't like big spoons. I'm like, yeah, me too. I have to have a little spoon. I know that's not on the official, obviously not on the official criteria. You know, so I'm not saying that anyone listening, but it's just funny'cause I'm like, yeah. Yeah. There's, I think there's similarities in this. You share similar traits to autism as well that you wear. There can be those specific things when it comes to sensory overload definitely. Or sensory high sensitivity to things like that where you want like a certain shape of a spoon or something.'cause like to me, to me, I don't like using some spoons I've got and then some I do and I'm like, yeah, they're just backup spoons. I don't really wanna use those ones. And I really like fight to the death to actually use, not use those. Yeah, you might get like one of the ones out of the dishwasher to wash up just so you don't have to use the backup spoons. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. It's, it's amazing. I, I find it all fascinating and it's, it's very interesting'cause there's a lot of adults, for example, now, like ourselves realizing and coming to that understanding and thinking like maybe this, and there's a lot I'm sure listening that will have, maybe thinking about going through some kind of process or, or have done already. So you decided, you were like, actually I'm gonna work. And do freelance work. So you're gonna work for yourself. Why? What were kind of some struggles that led you to that? Yeah, it was like what I was saying before about the control side of things. Yeah. That was what made me decide. And obviously before mentioned that I had this sort of worry about entering the workplace or work, you know, working environments and then. Yeah, look, looking back I can realize that the hesitance was around me not feeling like I had control over my life and feeling like it's like you've got this super computer up there going crazy and you just like can't control it. Or like some, I have someone else I've heard say that it's like having supercar with the wrong brakes. Ah. So you can, you can go really fast and do all this, these great things, but then actually stopping like you trying to stop this a massive like this. Change direction. Turn, turn around and. Go into different things, but then also trying to slow down the bricks and it's like, yeah, it's a bit, it's just a chaotic life with you not feeling like you're in control. So you have to try and find ways to To create control. Yeah. Or feelings of control. So then I think by working for myself, that created more of a feeling of control. So then it was more like a space, safer space. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Is there any other ways that you've been able to kind of help create that life outside of work? What create that sort of safety Yeah. Feeling. Yeah. I think, to be able to take a pause and to be able to detach from stories of the mind and things like that. And, and feeling to your body more and to be able to ground yourself. Like, I remember going to the dentist, I used to, I go going to the doctor or the dentist or things like that when you're waiting in the waiting room. At, at some point I got to a point where I think I need to sign a deal with this.'cause I just, every time I'm waiting around, it's just like a lot to take in or a lot to deal with and I just don't wanna have to go through it anymore. So those things that calm me down to be able to feel, you know, grounded in. Help me feel more in control. And then it's like that some of the concepts such as letting go, you just sort of sit and let go and let go of the fourth, let go of things that arise. And it's about being in the present rather than in past and future. In your mind, I. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for sharing. Yeah. And that interception, that sensory system of like understanding how your body is feeling, like you said in that moment and like the physical feelings as well and staying there and thinking about that, I think su super important as well to to, to understand, isn't it? Yeah. And I think like music's always been something I've deeply connected with. Yeah. A musician as well. So like, okay, I used to be in bands and things like that, so like it was a thing. I explored and when I was in like sixth form I was in, I did music and stuff and did, so I did a few performances, like to some, to some, one of'em was to like my year group and stuff, and then others to like other year groups and stuff like that. And then did it. And then I did like gigs after that, like when I, when I left school and stuff. But music has always, it's been good for expression and express myself. Yeah. But also being able to use it to calm myself down or like just take time, like have downtime, have like. Self lead time. Yeah. That kind of stuff. Yeah. So,'cause you do, as a neurodivergent person, you generally need more of that time than, than neurotypical'cause you,'cause you're always so overwhelmed and you's always so much going on and it's like thinking that a conversation you had with autism visible autism. Yeah, it was like definitely they would talk about that like a little bit lost my train of thought.'cause a DHD in there, but it was something, there was something I was gonna link it to, but Yeah, that's right. It's all good. Yeah. You're in a safe space. Yeah. But yeah, no, absolutely. Yeah, it's, it's important that reset time, that regulation, time, that space, because the world is, is a sensory overload a lot of the time. Having that space and finding Yeah, music and all of the different things that help you as an individual is really, really important, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Use that.'cause when I do meditation and stuff, I help, it helps me to have music as well. And I've also started experimenting more with things like journaling and things like that. So then I can have my own safe space to sit, sit just on like, like can I lay down on my bed or sit up or whatever. And then have music. And then I can have like a journal to, to use to get notes down of what I'm feeling or things I need to process. Or it could be creative ideas as well. So it's something that I've done for quite a long time in terms of getting my ideas down and taking, and then get those creative ideas out. But then it's also recently been used more for my emotional processing side of things.'cause I've noticed my emotional dysregulation symptoms more and s to work on those more recently. Yeah. Yeah, well that's, yeah, that's good. Thank you for sharing. And I know alongside the a HD you have, you've, you know, gone through different health conditions and diagnoses as well. How, how's that interaction of things? Yeah, so I got diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and which, which is like inflammatory bowel disease. But then I also got diagnosed with PSC as well the same year, which is a liver disease. So then and they often come like liver, like PSC often comes with i, with ulcerative colitis as well. So I got diagnosed with'em at the same time in 2021. So they both like skip pretty scary conditions really. Yeah. So then that was a difficult time and stuff. And at the moment I've been quite stable and I have to keep getting like things like blood tests through the year and things like, and all that stuff. But then it's generally been managing symptoms Okay. At the moment. Obviously now it's, I've got, I'm also on an A DHD medication now, so that's another thing to, to monitor as well. So it's it's, it's the mental health side of things, I guess with the ance that I'm taking similar medication, but then the, the health side with the tablets I've got, so yeah, it's a lot of managing things. Yeah. Yeah. That's like quite common for neuro people to end up having like the other things that come along with that health conditions and. Yeah, definitely. There's a lot of co-occurrence isn't there, of different things. And the, since you've been on A DHD meds, how have you found them helpful or not? Only there's a whole range of individual people who've had different experiences. Would you mind sharing a little bit about yours? Yes. Basically took'em for probably about six months I think it was. Then that's, I had to come off from for a while because I'd started to lose weight because of the appetite suppression. And then, and then having, you know, being no divergent, you have those moments of hyperfocus and without the appetite, appetite there to tell you to eat, it was created, it created an issue for me. So then I, over time, lost weight. And then I've got, I've put it back on again and literally just come on back onto, this is the first week back on Elance again now for me. So like three months off and I'm back on again. And I've noticed, like on my first day of Elance, I noticed a lot of. In the morning and I took it. I was like noticing a lot of the things that I'd remembered from taking it before. And then feeling really positive on the first day especially. And then noticing that it's like, it felt like subtle tweaks that I remembered in different, different areas. And I'm like, yep, that helps. That helps. That helps. I'm like noticing it in my conscious awareness. Sort of think subtle things that add up and they make a big difference, I think. Yeah. For me, the stimulant medication does make a big difference, but then there's also the side effects that come along with it too. The side effects I get is like dry mouth and yeah. Also your heart rate can go off a bit as well, so sometimes I can notice that, especially in the earlier on in the day. Yeah, and feel like my heart rate being higher, but I think it's also, I think it just change when you're on it for a longer period as well, so I think it'll probably get a bit more stable again. Yeah. As I'm on for a longer period again. Yeah. Yeah, hopefully. Absolutely. So just to finish off, what is something that you would wanna share with any parents of neurodivergent kids listening that maybe you wish that your parents knew back then or anything like that to help them support their child? I think patience is an important one. Just, because having patience is a way to obviously allow them to explore the things that they wanna explore basically, and, and be able to sort of, I think it's, it's a mixture of patience and curiosity, I think helps a lot.'cause then you, you give them a bit of space to explore their personality and what's what they wanna follow and everything. And then also, yeah, to be with them through and be curious about what, what else can we follow and go down in those. Areas to do that, to explore and things. And I think, I guess it's like when you're someone like me, which it is like a high masculine person and stuff, it's hard to, for any parent to see it because he's the person.'cause like the kid themselves don't even see it either. So in those situations where it's like, no, for sure. So yeah, no, it's like can't give advice to those parents that don't dunno yet. But the ones that do, you know. It's just, I think patience and curiosity is two important things. Yeah, absolutely. Patience and curiosity. Love that. And so, so important. And I was, I was on a podcast, someone else's podcast chatting, and we were, we were saying that parenting style, you've gotta gotta switch it up. It's gotta be trying to follow those deep interest, follow those different things. And that may be different to expectations before having kids. So thank you so much for coming on. If people want to link up with you, where, where's the best place to link up? Yeah, so I'll post quite a lot on LinkedIn. Okay. So if you wanna follow me there, Andy, on there. And is it my bottom, my LinkedIn page from a business Tom Moline films as well. Yeah. Follow that. Excellent. Excellent. Thank you so much Andy. Thank you. And remember that each Wednesday there is a new episode coming out of Conversations With As Send Mom, make sure you connect on Instagram at Conversations with As Send Mom and please do like and comment and review and share so that other people can hear this podcast. See you soon.